Never Say Never

I am just going to blurt it out.

James has been attending public school for almost 3 weeks now. 

I am not even joking. This is for real. And...I am okay with it. So is James.

I am sure you want to know why. I am always curious why homeschoolers make the decision to put their kids in public school. It's a life commitment and lifestyle. I know some do it when their children get older. And they thrive. Most homeschool parents I know are not militant about what they do. After all, so many of our family and friends have children in public school and we love them.

For me, the decision was sort of made for me. My husband and I are separated. I don't know where we will end up but it was unexpected and a shock to me. So, I want to take a minute to ask you to pray for me. For James. For our whole family and that includes my husband.

I registered James for school 2 weeks after it began.  I was scrambling to adjust my work hours, continue homeschooling and finding child care for James while I was still working night hours. I have said prayers of gratitude for my family in Louisburg and my neighbors living right next door.

Registering James for public school required deep breathing and the plastering onto my face the biggest and sweetest fake smile I could muster. (I personally think my fake smile is scary-looking) The guidance counselor could not understand that I didn't have attendance records. I had Woodcock-Johnson standardized test results that showed where James is academically but she was fixated on attendance records. I had to explain that North Carolina does not require homeschools to maintain attendance records (or even regsiter your homeschool) until the child turns 7.  Surely the schools get homeschoolers into the public school from time to time. I was surprised that they didn't have some inkling of the law. Maybe I shouldn't be surprised.

Now for more shocking news: School has been great. Both for James AND me. In all honesty, I was not looking forward to the beginning of the school year. I was tired. All summer. Working nights after doing so much during the day with James was exhausting. And I didn't feel I was doing enough. I went through the motions. I bought the curriculum I wanted to use, I was coordinating a boy's book club. I had signed up for the co-op on Fridays through our homeschool group. But I wasn't looking forward to any of it. It all just made me feel more tired.

See, when I get on a train, I can't get off. When I make a commitment that big, I don't quit. It NEVER occurred to me to stop. Ever. I needed someone to say to me, "Connie, stop it.". Not that I would have listened the first time. Probably not. I am not a quitter. (I will read a terrible book to the end because I can't stand not to finish it.) But stop homeschooling to save my marriage? Make it stronger? Hell yeah. The core of homeschooling, for me, is family and edcuation. But we were no longer having family time during the week. Thirty minutes for dinner before I had to run out tthe door for work is not quality time.

Ironic isn't it. I have free time now. I am doing less. I am at home at night. I am not so tired. But we are not an intact family. So, I am asking again. Pray for us.

Another revelation to share: I see God in the midst of the chaos. Sometimes God needs to do something BIG to get our attention. He certainly has mine. I don't know the why's or His reason but I am trusting in Him. The week that I decided to register James for school, my email inbox was inundated with emails from Crossroads Fellowship Church. Some days I would get 2 emails about all the goings-on and new classes and services. So I thought, "Fine God. I hear you. And I'm going." So we have. James and I. It's been good. The message for the month is about getting answers to the hard qustions like Why does God allow sin? Why Does God allow disease and disaster? In listening during the past few Sundays I know this: God allows sin because He gave us Free Will and wants us to use it.. He gave us the choice to love Him. Or not. The choice, also, to love each other. Or not. And sometimes He needs to get our attention.

I know God has a purpose for my life. I know there was (is?) purpose in my marriage and in homeschooling James in his early years. But the next chapter? I do not know. But I am not afraid.

I do not know if I will continue to post my writings here. I am no longer a homeschooler but my journey continues. So. Stay tuned if you wish.