An open letter to my son: You are my Sunshine

"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body"  -Elizaabeth Stone

The Sunshine song. I sang that song to you when you were a baby. It was the first one I ever sang to you. You didn't know then that I couldn't carry a tune but you seemed to like to hear it anyway. It wasn't until you could talk that you ever so sweetly (not!) told me to stop. So I started just telling you that you were my sunshine instead of singing, It was a good compromise.

In the past few months since it's just been you and me living here in our house, you have shone even brighter for me. I have found that I have so much love in  my heart and if I didn't have you to pour it out on, I wouldn't be doing so well. You are the reason I have found my strength and courage. You are the reason that I smile and feel hopeful about our future.

We have had the hard conversation about why Daddy doesn't live with us anymore. You have been so brave and resilient. It amazes me. I am so proud of you.

You are thriving at school. You have shown that you can meet the challenges thrown at you. At school, your reading level is strongly connected to your writing skills. You had to move back a couple of reading levels because of your writing skills. But in recent weeks, you have improved your writing so much! It's incredible. You even wrote three "books" on your own! You wrote "Pink Eye Symptoms", "My 4-legged Family" and "Transformers Age of Extinction". All of them were super cute. Just adorable! I feel vindicated in homeschooling you for the "early years". You started public school at age seven when I really believe that's when kids are the most ready for academic rigor.You have welcomed the daily structure of school and you are reading on your own more at home. You have even have a new BF (your word) and you like staying after school when he does so y'all can play together.

All of these things give me such peace.

The hardest part of parenting alone is when you are sick. You've been too sick to go to school on 2 different occasions. I HATE that I can't be at home with you when you are sick. I never had to think about that before. I was home during the day and Daddy was home with you at night. You just stayed at home when you were sick. Now, you go to stay at MawMaw and Didi's. And I love them for it. Even with you having a terribly contagious case of pink eye, MawMaw told me to bring you over. Because she knew I couldn't miss work. That is some kind of special love.

I miss you terribly when you aren't home. Especially when I am working and can't be with you. You don't know it and you won't ever see it but that's when I cry. I am heartbroken. For myself and for you too. And there are no answers. There is only moving forward. I am so glad that we are doing it together.

I count on our daily rituals.

• Making a Nutella sandwich for you EVERY morning you go to school.
• Being home every afternoon when you get off the bus or
• Picking you up at the Afterschool program so you can play with your BF
• Eating dinner at the bar and you asking me, "What do you want to talk about?" or "How has your day been today?"
• Bath/shower time has never been a thing I looked forward to but you are becoming more independent and it works. Sometimes you shower and sometimes you want to play in the tub. Your imagination has moved into overdrive. I have to pop my head in there sometimes just to make sure that there isn't a real person in there with you! You talk up a storm!
• Cuddle time. I love it. You schooch close to me up in my bed and we watch a cartoon or some crazy documentary you have found on Netflix (right now you like "Weird or What" with William Shatner. You think he's cool.)
• You fall asleep right next to me most nights. You used to kick me all night long. Not anymore. Weird. And thanks. 
• On Sundays we go to church. You seem to look forward to it and you always want to know if I go on my own when you are visiting Daddy. 

When all these changes happened and Daddy went to live elsewhere, I thought there was purpose in my marriage to Daddy even though it will be ending. I know the purpose now. There were two. One was that I needed to know what it felt like to be loved for all of me. I believe that Daddy loved all of me when we got married and for a long, long time after that. And two, it was you. I needed you. I needed to be a Mom. It makes me a better person. God has truly blessed me in the best way.  He gave me my very own Sunshine.

Never Say Never

I am just going to blurt it out.

James has been attending public school for almost 3 weeks now. 

I am not even joking. This is for real. And...I am okay with it. So is James.

I am sure you want to know why. I am always curious why homeschoolers make the decision to put their kids in public school. It's a life commitment and lifestyle. I know some do it when their children get older. And they thrive. Most homeschool parents I know are not militant about what they do. After all, so many of our family and friends have children in public school and we love them.

For me, the decision was sort of made for me. My husband and I are separated. I don't know where we will end up but it was unexpected and a shock to me. So, I want to take a minute to ask you to pray for me. For James. For our whole family and that includes my husband.

I registered James for school 2 weeks after it began.  I was scrambling to adjust my work hours, continue homeschooling and finding child care for James while I was still working night hours. I have said prayers of gratitude for my family in Louisburg and my neighbors living right next door.

Registering James for public school required deep breathing and the plastering onto my face the biggest and sweetest fake smile I could muster. (I personally think my fake smile is scary-looking) The guidance counselor could not understand that I didn't have attendance records. I had Woodcock-Johnson standardized test results that showed where James is academically but she was fixated on attendance records. I had to explain that North Carolina does not require homeschools to maintain attendance records (or even regsiter your homeschool) until the child turns 7.  Surely the schools get homeschoolers into the public school from time to time. I was surprised that they didn't have some inkling of the law. Maybe I shouldn't be surprised.

Now for more shocking news: School has been great. Both for James AND me. In all honesty, I was not looking forward to the beginning of the school year. I was tired. All summer. Working nights after doing so much during the day with James was exhausting. And I didn't feel I was doing enough. I went through the motions. I bought the curriculum I wanted to use, I was coordinating a boy's book club. I had signed up for the co-op on Fridays through our homeschool group. But I wasn't looking forward to any of it. It all just made me feel more tired.

See, when I get on a train, I can't get off. When I make a commitment that big, I don't quit. It NEVER occurred to me to stop. Ever. I needed someone to say to me, "Connie, stop it.". Not that I would have listened the first time. Probably not. I am not a quitter. (I will read a terrible book to the end because I can't stand not to finish it.) But stop homeschooling to save my marriage? Make it stronger? Hell yeah. The core of homeschooling, for me, is family and edcuation. But we were no longer having family time during the week. Thirty minutes for dinner before I had to run out tthe door for work is not quality time.

Ironic isn't it. I have free time now. I am doing less. I am at home at night. I am not so tired. But we are not an intact family. So, I am asking again. Pray for us.

Another revelation to share: I see God in the midst of the chaos. Sometimes God needs to do something BIG to get our attention. He certainly has mine. I don't know the why's or His reason but I am trusting in Him. The week that I decided to register James for school, my email inbox was inundated with emails from Crossroads Fellowship Church. Some days I would get 2 emails about all the goings-on and new classes and services. So I thought, "Fine God. I hear you. And I'm going." So we have. James and I. It's been good. The message for the month is about getting answers to the hard qustions like Why does God allow sin? Why Does God allow disease and disaster? In listening during the past few Sundays I know this: God allows sin because He gave us Free Will and wants us to use it.. He gave us the choice to love Him. Or not. The choice, also, to love each other. Or not. And sometimes He needs to get our attention.

I know God has a purpose for my life. I know there was (is?) purpose in my marriage and in homeschooling James in his early years. But the next chapter? I do not know. But I am not afraid.

I do not know if I will continue to post my writings here. I am no longer a homeschooler but my journey continues. So. Stay tuned if you wish.

THREE is a Magic Number!!

I hate to admit this because you may doubt anything I write again but Wikipedia states that the number three is rich with meaning.

• Pythagoras said that 3 was the noblest of all digits.
• It is the first prime number.
• It is the Holy Trinity in Christianity.
• A hat-trick! (when a player scores 3 times in a game)
• You always count to 3 in group activities where everyone must act together. 1!- 2!- 3!
• Also, On your Mark! Get Set! Go! (3 steps)
• There's the 3 Bears! 3 Little Pigs! 3 Blind Mice! And that black sheep had 3 bags of wool!

I have survived James turning seven. He still wants hugs. He says, "Love on me Mommy". That is a good sign that things are not going to drastically change as I feared. I also got a goodly amount of hope and confirmation that three is, in fact, a magic number. I scoured the internet for information about homeschooling one and I came across a blog with a link to a book that two moms of one wrote. It's super short and easy to read and I would have paid double the price to download it to my Kindle.

The beginning of the book made me cry. A beautiful oak tree stood in the middle of a field. It was perfectly symmetrical (like the one on the cover of the book). It grew that way because it had nothing to compete with. That oak tree was able to grow unobstructed in the fertile soil. Like an only child. Yeah, I cried. I needed to know that having one and always wanting more was not the end of the world. And although my prayers have not been answered how I had hoped, I know that there is a reason and a purpose for my life the way it is. I am blessed to have one. I am a mom because of him. I am grateful. 

The book gave some great information on how to homeschool that one child. The pros and cons. And it broke down the myths of only children. All those negative ones like "they don't share well" or "they are spoiled children". That is not the case. Only children are not destined to be horrible adults. The best part of the book? The part where the only children that these moms write about give their say. That's right! You get a child's perspective and it's wonderful and heartwarming. 

As I gear up for a new homeschool year, I am refocusing some priorities regarding time with friends and other social activities. As the mom of one, we have great flexibility to get up and go when one of our large family friends calls with an invitation to the park or the museum or whatever. And I am prepared make our home a place that kids can have play dates (with plenty of kid-approved snacks). 

So, if you are the mom of one or you know a family of 3, this book is awesome. Pass it on!

Homeschooling One

Being the mom of one has always been tough for me to accept. I always wanted more. But God has a different plan for us. I wish I understood it but I pray for acceptance and peace with the family I have. We are happy and we make our life work so that we are able to keep James at home and give him the education that we know is best for him.

With that being said, I have felt exhausted this summer. The Spring semester was so full and busy that by the time June came, I was quite ready for a full summer break. But with days that quickly add up, I feel the need to do something for James. We bought a pool so he could swim everyday. But he wants someone to swim with. He has a box of Legos. But needs someone to play with. He has games. Needs someone for that too. The need for interaction is huge. And I am overwhelmed with it right now. I feel like I have to entertain him and keep him busy. Especially if I don't want him to waste his time on the computer or watching TV. It is a lot of work. If he had siblings or if we lived in a neighborhood, I wouldn't feel this way. He would have built-in playmates and friends. I could feel really good about keeping the computer and TV off during the day. And I would. Music would be allowed all the time though. And just about any genre too.

Even doing academics at home, James needs me to be there. Math is a conversation. I am working on teaching him to do the math worksheets quietly and then we can discuss them together. He doesn't want to do it that way. I'd like to get us to this point so that while he is doing his workbook stuff, I can check our calendar, get other things ready for him, write a blog post. Get a cup of coffee. Perhaps pee. Alone. Without him looking for me and talking to me through the door once he realizes where I am.

It is an awesome responsibility to be everything to him. I am his Mother, his teacher, his character-builder. I am his biggest cheerleader and sometimes his worst critic (I am sad to say). I worry about humility and work ethic. He has no competition at home unless my husband and I create it for him. Perhaps that is why he likes the "do the opposite" game so much. My husband will say, "Do NOT take your dishes to the kitchen!" Don't you dare!" And James will walk right over to the table with the biggest grin and take all his dishes to the kitchen.

One of my secret weapons has been to invite or "kidnap" my friend's kids and bring them home with me for an afternoon for free play or some (super fun) planned activity. It's actually Heaven for me. James plays to his heart's content and I can get quite a lot done or....read a good book. Uninterrupted. For a while. I actually feel recharged when the kids go home. I need to do that more often.

I love him. All of him. He made me a Mommy. Gave me purpose. He softened my heart and opened it up.

Challenges of homeschooling an only child

And another mom of an only so wonderfully stated:
There is frustratingly little out there about homeschooling an only child. I have to chime in and disagree that we "only child" moms don't have time management struggles. I grew up in a very large family so I am thoroughly aware of the dynamic of that. My own family's dynamic is vastly different and surprisingly challenging as I [and my husband] am my child's only built-in playmate. It can be extremely time challenging to maintain a relationship with your husband , plan lessons, plan meals, feed everyone, keep the laundry done, attempt to keep the housework done, teach, and do all the basic things that a mom of any family must do plus play, entertain, plan play dates (which then involve transporting one child or another and craving out a blocking of your time) as opposed to just saying, "Go play with your sister while I finish x,y and z." Especially if your only child is very energetic and loves socializing. Even finding time for dates with your husband can be challenging (in my family, from time to time, I can remember, there was always an older sibling=free babysitting). So I would love to see more written BY only child moms who have struggles with some of these tensions.

My boy is no longer a baby

James turned 7 yesterday.  He had a great birthday party. We had a bunch of wild and sweet boys playing in our above ground pool and having water balloon fights. It was a shark - themed birthday party complete with a shark cake and a shark tooth necklace for everyone.

Prior to the big day, I was having a hard time with it. James no longer looks like a baby. If it weren't for still having almost all his baby teeth, people would think he is older than seven. He hasn't wanted to hold my hand in public anymore. He pulls his hand out of my grip when I have made to hold his hand.

This is the year we have also to declare our intent to homeschool because he is now seven. So many big boy things to come. More academics to add to our schedule. No longer making sure he has a solid foundation in the basics like reading and writing and math. We will tackle science and history and I am developing a boy's book club for the Fall.

So, time marches on. No more little hands to hold. No younger sibling to ease me into this.

However,  and on the bright side ('cause there always is one) I am the only female in the house and I get lots of love at home. James will plop his big self on my lap every so often to watch a show. He still cuddles in the mornings. And just the other day, as if he knew I needed it, he grabbed me around my waist and said, "I love you so much Mommy". We were at Target. A public place. And we weren't in the toy department. I stopped everything and squeezed him back. He still calls me Mommy. Ahhhhh.

For soon, he will be bigger than me. I fully expect him to be as tall as me when he's 10. And then he will be bigger. All of him. His feet. His hands. He will tower over me.

Until then, a new phase of our relationship develops. One where he is my protector against big cats in his heroic fantasies. He hold the cat's jaws wide open so I can run away to safety (and call 911) then he pokes him in the eye. Apparently this is a huge deterrent for big cats.

I love my boy. I love this crazy journey of parenthood.  And I love the private cuddles and the peace that comes with knowing ain't no big cat gonna get me!!

Hello, My name is Connie and I can't stop reading.

I used to believe that I was never an avid reading as a child. I mostly remember being outside playing with my sister and the other kids in the neighborhood. All. The. Time. But when I really thought about it and tried to remember what I read, I had a longer list than I realized.

• Weekly Reader books (sent to the house monthly but I really only remember trying to read The Ghost of Windy Hill)
• Sweet Valley Twins series (high school)
• Most of Maya Angelou's books (college)
• Jack Kerouac books (college)
• Charles Bukowski (college)
• Toni Morrison books (college)
• Gone with the Wind (grad school)
• East of Eden (grad school)
• Lord of the Rings trilogy

And many others. I had decided to read some of the classics after high school because I never really read any. And by classics,here is a list what I mean: A Thomas Jefferson Education. Oh sure, we read Julius Ceasar and MacBeth. How to Kill a Mockingbird. But my teachers taught them because it was part of the curriculum and not because they loved them, with one exception. My senior year in high school, Coach Tesh taught MacBeth. He loved that play. We spent so much time on it because he loved it. We squeezed every once of interest from it that I got a 100% on the test. His love for it made me, at the very least, like it. He gave me a silver dollar for being one of a handful of kids in the class to ace that test. I still have it.

A "classic" is a work that's worth returning to over and over again because you get more from it each and every time.

I have become an avid reader over the years. I am NEVER without a book (or books) downloaded to my Kindle. Before that it was actual books then my Nook. I have read hundreds of books. Not all classics and not all worthy of a second read. But I read. Everyday. All the time. Lately, I feel like it has become a problem. I don't' want to stop. And now that summer is here, I want to sit and enjoy book after book. I keep hoping that my love of books will rub off on James. He will read the Diary of a Wimpy Kid books, Berenstein Bears books and some hero graphic novels on his own. He also has totes around his mythical creature book and gets two magazines in the mail. Any chapter books he has, we read together. I am sure that I will read aloud to him until he is a teenager if he wants me too. 

 I am reading 2 books about education so I won't feel so guilty about my "pleasure" books. I am seeking balance in my life between my love of books and life in general with my sweet boy and the responsibilities that come with being a mom, wife, homeschooler, interpreter, neighbor and friend.

While attending the North Carolina Home Educator's conference in May,  I went to at least two presentations about boys and academics. From that I learned about 2 great books that I am reading right now.

• A Thomas Jefferson Education: Teaching A Generations of Leaders in the 21st Century
• Boys Adrift: Five Factors Driving the Growing Epidemic of Unmotivated Boys and Underachieving Young Men

The more I read about the developmental differences between boys and girls, the more likely I am to seek out academic groups and activities that are just for boys. Or at least geared towards boys. For example, I am working on developing a boys-only book club with titles chosen that are about a boy(s) or is interesting to boys. I am also seeking activities (like soccer) that are not co-ed. The soccer league that James has played in for the last two years is co-ed all the way to the teenage years. As much as I loved that league, I want him to play on a boys-only team. Also, after reading the chapter about plastics in the Boys Adrift book, I went to Amazon and ordered glass food storage containers and threw out all my plastic. I also ordered a metal water bottle for James. Yes, that chapter was a serious eye-opener that moved me to action. 

In a nutshell, I love books. I love to escape and I like learning how to be a better parent and homeschooler. I like being informed. So, for now, I will continue to enjoy my fun books AND my "learning" books. James and I will finish reading his Magic Treehouse books and hopefully start a new one together. Reading is FUNdamental!!

Homemade Chicken Nuggets (with an update)

Tonight's main course was chicken nuggets. This is the only meat James will eat and only in this form. He has eaten grilled chicken and a slice of deli turkey that were sneaked into a grilled cheese sandwich by his father and then once by his Nana. He never knew the difference.

I wanted us to cook together and found a kid-friendly recipe on About.com of all places. There is something wonderful and motivating about eating what you yourself have cooked. It's also fun to cook a dish your parents will also eat.

We gathered all the ingredients. Flour, eggs, bread crumbs, olive oil, salt and pepper...and then the recipe called for hot sauce. James didn't like the sound of that AT ALL but I told him to trust me. We were getting our "stations" ready: 1st bowl was the flour seasoned with salt and pepper, the 2nd bowl was the egg wash. The 3rd bowl was the bread crumbs. We had to add 3 dashes of the hot sauce. I demonstrated the first dash and then asked James to add the other two He did great.

James spent his entire time in the kitchen talking. I mean it. He hardly took a breath. He talked about how healthy the chicken was going to taste. He shared with me that he put 18% salt and 80% pepper in the flour for seasoning. He said it was going to taste better than McDonald's chicken nuggets. He told me that he was the Master Chef and that I- well, I was just basic.


James LOVED being the in the kitchen and making a dinner that we, his parents, were going to eat. Having ownership of what will be served was very exciting for him.

But, in the end, you can see in the picture on the right, he looks less than enthused with dinner. He likes being in the kitchen but he is still struggling to enjoy dinner. Even when he makes it. And it's served with a side of one of his favorites, macaroni and cheese.






Update: Since I began writing this post, James has tried more new food. Spaghetti squash has been a good choice. He also ASKED for Angel Hair with Alfredo for dinner. He eats it one piece of pasta at a time. He has also made a kid-friendly salad (no dressing for him): romaine lettuce, red grapes (halved) and pecans. He was able to use a knife for this and didn't want to stop cutting and slicing. He has since requested bread for dinner so he can be in charge of slicing it. I also tried making honey-glazed carrots. Those were a hit! He won't eat raw carrots but if they have been softened up and drizzled with honey and a little brown sugar, well, that is just a totally differently thing!

I am no Foodie

I am just not a foodie. I love food don't get me wrong. I mean, I gotta eat. But I am not one of those people who loves to watch people cook on TV. I don't watch the Food Network. Ever. I don't subscribe to cooking magazines or food magazines. I've never actually bought a cookbook. All the cookbooks I have were given to me as gifts. I do love them. I have tried new recipes because of them. I just can not (or don't) spend a lot of time thinking about food. It used to drive me crazy when my husband would call me from work at 8:30 in the morning and ask, "What's for dinner?"!! Huh?!? I'm thinking, "I haven't had 2 cups of coffee yet! I don't know what I'm eating for breakfast yet! Or when!"

Now, my husband has always been an adventurous eater. I have watched cooking shows because HE watches cooking shows. Gordon Ramsey is a favorite. For him, eating is an occasion to be savored. Always. He will eat anything once. It never fails to surprise me that he will eat the fish soup at any Chinese restaurant. He'll have no idea what's in it but he orders it and eats it all.

I read once that people view food in one of 3 ways. The one I remember is the one that best described my view of food. It's fuel. That's it. I must eat. I must eat so I can run a good race, keep up with James and most importantly, stay alive!!!

I suspect James is like me in that way. We talk about the nutritional facts for any and all foods whether it be vegetables or junk food. We talk about the different types of sugar. The sugar in fruit or milk is much better for you than the sugar in Sour Patch Kids. Tonight, for example, I baked spaghetti squash...for the first time! I can't believe I am 43 and just now discovering spaghetti squash. Well, I looked up the nutritional value of it and shared it with James as it was cooking. Tons of vitamin A and potassium. A fraction of the calories of regular spaghetti from a box. And just as fun!!
                                            

James is clever. I think he realizes that I am more discriminating than his Dad when it comes to food and trying new things. Tonight as we sat to eat said spaghetti squash I reminded James that this was also MY first time eating it. We kept it simple. Salt and butter for flavor.  I didn't say much while I ate but then James said, "I like it because it doesn't taste like anything." I agreed, "Yeah. I think mine needs a little more salt" and reached for the sea salt grinder on the table. He responded with, "I think I want a little more salt too". Chris gave him one turn of the grinder over his squash.

I don't know the outcome of dinner at this point. He got sent to his room right before I had to run out the door to go to work. He was burping on purpose and slurping his milk. He would not even let the crab cakes I made sit on his plate. I am OK with that. He has been extremely consistent about not eating meat (except chicken nuggets). That is going to take some time.  He also turned up his nose at the green beans. So! Spaghetti squash for dinner!

Baby steps. Healthy attitude towards food. Those are my goals.

Aquatic Adventures

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No More Short Order Cook.

I decided that James will eat whatever we eat for dinner. It's time. No more cooking a dang grilled cheese every single night. So last night I made baked chicken and broccoli over pasta. James cried like I slapped him when I put his plate in front of him. My husband got crafty tonight after I left for work. He cut up the chicken into shreds, melted some cheese over it and put on pita bread. James ate 3 bites. And afterwards:

Chris: "Thanks for trying it James."

James: "Thanks for making me eat it."

What?!?! That's right. He thanked his Dad for making him eat something he has heretofore refused to even let sit on his plate.

Tonight, as I went downstairs to start dinner, James asked to help. He wanted to know what we were having. Salad and kale ravioli with marinara sauce. He wanted to know what kale tasted like and I told him we had some in the frig. Next thing I know, he is in there searching for kale! He wants to take a bite of it. Taste it. He did it twice! He seemed even a little eager to try the ravioli. I told him it had cheese and kale inside and it's made with wheat pasta on the outside. He says, "Whole wheat pasta?!? I like that!". Now you tell me!

Here is James with his plate presented to him. See how apprehensive he is? All he has on the plate are carrots, cucumber slices and ONE ravioli. Marinara on the side. Water to drink. (If I give him milk, he will chug it and be full.)

We talked for a bit about the food on his plate and he is smiling and excited. What if he ate the whole entire ravioli??? He says, "I could have brownies for dessert!" I told him, "If you ate the whole thing, Daddy would totally take you to the DQ." I was dead serious and he knew it. His sweet face lit up like the twelfth of July (that's his birthday). He took one GOOD bite and chewed. It was not his favorite but he drank some water and took another bite. He would not try the marina. I tried to tell him it would make it taste even better. He was having no part of it. (honestly, he never liked the pasta with tomato sauce in baby food either) He is not a dipper. Won't even put gloriously delicious real maple syrup on his pancakes. What the world? 

In the end, he ate 5 bites of the ravioli and ate all his vegetables. That was the deal. And let me tell you, he is a negotiator. He negotiated until it was time for me to go to work. 30 minutes. He can wear you down if you aren't mentally prepared for it. He is a strong-willed child. I will love that later. I didn't love it today.

It has just occurred to me that James has been a PILL these last 2 days because he knows he will have to eat something new at dinner. So the rest of the day he has been defiant and contrary...about every little thing! It has not been fun. It was so bad yesterday that I cancelled an outing for today. And grounded him from the computer. He got sent to his room at least 5 times today for being disrespectful and defiant. 

I love him so much. One day he will understand it better. He will see it with his adult eyes. Sometimes we play a game called "What was the worst part of your day? What was the best part of your day?". Yesterday we read his entire book of mythological monsters. That was the best part. That happened at 8:30 in the morning. Today? Watching him take little steps to becoming a Big Kid. I had the chance to give him praise today. To tell him that I am SUPER SUPER proud of him for trying new food. There is a part of me that thinks he wants me to push him to this...because he won't do it by himself. He knows I care about him and his future. I don't want him to be some 60-year-old dude who only eats grilled cheeses for lunch and dinner. No way. If he does become that guy, it won't be for lack of having tried new food. And he'll still be expected to eat what I cook when he comes to visit!

This absolutely terrifies me.

 James is a seriously picky eater. It seemed to start when when he stopped eating baby food and started eating real food. Currently James will ingest the following:

• grilled cheese sandwich (Subway makes the best ones. And MawMaw too)
• milk (whole and chocolate)
• homemade smoothies
• waffles/pancakes (no syrup)
• chicken nuggets (selective)
• french fries
• juice
• chips/pretzels
• nuts (almonds, pistachios)
• macaroni and cheese (selective)
• candy and cookies
• apples
• strawberries
• yogurt
• ice cream/popsicles
• cucumbers and green pepper (when forced)
• popcorn
• cereal (even some that are not "kid" cereal)
• cheese (American, Gouda, mozzarella)
• doughnuts

He used to eat carrots but he complains about them now and refuses to eat them. So there are two vegetables on his list. He used to eat watermelon and cantaloupe but he seems to have developed an allergy to melons. No pizza. No salad or tomatoes. No toast. No hot dogs or hamburgers. No sauces, ketchup, dressing. No mayo or mustard. No grilled chicken. No bacon. (can you even believe it???)

I am terrified that he will never ever be willing to try new food. REAL food. Mouth-watering Italian or cheesy Mexican. A perfectly grilled steak or fresh salmon. Mashed potatoes with the bits of red skin in it or fried okra. Greek salads and scrambled eggs. Biscuits. Butter beans. How does one live to be in their 60's without trying and loving these foods? Apparently, it happens. Just read this article.

I tell James that I am not worried. I tell him that when he hits puberty, grilled cheeses won't be enough. He will WANT to try new foods so he can feed and sustain his growing body. But sometimes I am not so sure. We have forced him to sit at the dinner table before and take a bite of one butter bean. I caught it on video. He cried and screamed. For over 15 minutes. I would post it here but it's too long and it wouldn't be very nice of me to show him at his worst. 

He did eat a few bites of pizza on his 4th birthday. He didn't really like it. But he tried it!!! But even now when we go to birthday parties, he is not thrilled to see pizza being served. He didn't eat any at the birthday party we went to last weekend. But a few months ago, we didn't say anything to him and he ate a few bites. I can't figure him out. 

I get glimmers of hope. He saw a commercial for McDonald's biscuits. In the commercial, the fluffy dough is rolled out in slow-motion and then the cutter is slowly turned in the dough to make each biscuit. Then they are shown quickly rising and turning golden brown in the oven. And, at last, someone loving brushes melted butter on top. James said, "I think I want to try a biscuit.". Holy Cow. I wanted to drive to McDonald's right then and there but they weren't serving breakfast anymore.

James has told us before that he will try new foods when he turns 7. Lord I hope so. He turns 7 this summer. Come on lucky #7!

Minecraft Crazy vs 1000 Hours Outdoors

In the last month, we have really revved up our homeschooling schedule. We have had the wonderful opportunity to be a part of creating community for ourselves with other homeschoolers. While we have been a part of an awesome co-op, a number of women I hve grown to know in the past year have come together in a very intentional way to create a social group for ourselves and our children. Among one of our first endeavors was to challenge ourselves to get our kids outside All. The. Time. Everyday. With Spring finally here, we've barely been inside and Minecraft feels like a friend who has gone on sabbatical.

 

Many a family finds life upended by a child's absorption with computer games. You may find his behavior has deteriorated as he constantly negotiates for more screen time, neglects his chores, and speaks of nothing but the game. Know that it's normal for kids this age to fixate on things, and their obsessions are usually short-lived. Computer games can be addictive, however, so stick to your guns about gaming time limits. Explain that it's your job – no matter how unfair he thinks you're being – to make sure he's healthy. Too much computer time is as bad for him as eating candy for dinner every night. It may also help to figure out why he's so attracted to the game. Does he like to immerse himself in a fantasy world or get caught up in the competition? Or does he like it because his friends are playing it, too? Once you uncover the reason, you may be able to steer him to more productive ways to get the same payoff, like playing board games with you or reading sci-fi books together.

 babycenter.com Your 6-year-old now

I read this newsflash (hardly) back in the dark days of Winter and wondered if I would ever get James outside again. Now that Spring is here, we are doing Nature studies, watching birds, playing, tennis lessons...and more playing. In case you were wondering, for kids, play is learning. It's actually educational for them to go outside and play in the dirt. Jump in mud puddles. Run around like maniacs to their heart's content. For you readers that need to see the evidence-based reasons, here you go: 1000 Hours Outdoors. 

Many of us in our community group have boys. If you have ever seen a group of boys up close, you will come to the conclusion that they desperately need time outside to run around and play and pretend...and wrestle. I told the other moms last week that I was going to set up a wrestling ring in the backyard and invite everyone over for wrestle mania homeschool-style. They all laughed!! And no one said, "That's crazy!". They said, "When! Let me know! We'll come!!". Moms know. 

We are attempting 1000 hours outdoors!!!

Biology in the underwear shop

I honestly can't remember the last time I bought underwear and new bras for myself. It's been a while. Probably over a year or more. So today was the day. With James in tow, I went into my favorite store (NOT Victoria's Secret!) at the mall. I picked out 7 pairs of adorable undies and then I picked out bras I had to try on. We headed to the dressing room area and I handed James my phone to keep him busy and tried on my cute things. As we were leaving the store James turns to me and asks, "Mom. Why do women have boobs?".  I can understand the question. The store had many beautiful and colorful underthings for women. Obviously, women put a lot of thought into what they wear under their clothes. So. Here was my answer for James:

Me: First of all, they are breasts. That's the proper term. And women have them for the purpose of feeding their babies milk. That's where it comes from.

James: Oh yeah!

Me: continuing We are mammals remember? And all female mammals have what?

James: Um...

Me: Mammary glands. That's how female mammals produce milk for their babies. Mammals don't lay eggs. We give birth to live babies.

James: That's good. Hatching out of an egg would take WAY too long.

Often with us, a conversation will die to later be resurrected. James picked up this line of thought in the car on the way home. This time, though, he wanted to know how babies came out of the mommy and things progressed from there to what was it was like when he was born, to why did I miscarry last year. Or as he put it, "Why was the pregnancy a fail?". He feels very doubtful that he will ever have a baby brother. I told him that something wasn't developing correctly and God makes a woman's body able to deal with it if that happens. I explained that, statistically, most women will experience a miscarriage at least once. I told him that as far as having a baby brother (or sister), I'm working on it! And I am praying. God loves us and wants us to ask Him for our heart's desire. He will grant it if He desires it for us also. I told him that he should pray for that if it is his heart's desire to be a big brother.

He now knows that women push babies out, not through their butts, as he so eloquently put it. He thought they were cut out. I told him that God made women capable of pushing babies out of their bodies from between their legs. (I didn't offer specifics and he didn't ask). When babies are read to be born, they move deep down in the women's belly so this can happen. He wanted to know if I cried when I was pushing him out. No I did not. He wanted to know if I screamed. (I have no idea where he got the idea that women scream.) No again. I told him I grunted. I was pushing hard! He also asked if women just catch the baby when they are born. Interesting question. "In the hospital", I began, "I had lots of help. Daddy and Ms. Toni were there. There were several nurses and a doctor to help when you came out.

I love his curiosity about EVERYTHING and that he will ask questions about whatever is on his mind. There are times I will tell him, "Ok. I am tired of answering questions" or "I don't want to talk about this anymore. Let's change the subject". But for the most part, answering his questions gives him information and encourages his inquisitiveness. Even in the underwear shop.

Grocery Store Nutrition

Whenever I do my grocery shopping, James is most often with me. It is a great opportunity to talk about food and what's in it.  It all started with buying cereal. If you have a kid, and they are with you and you need to buy cereal then you need to have a game plan BEFORE you arrive. My plan was this: James could pick any cereal he wanted as long as it contained less than 10 grams of sugar per serving. James started looking at each box for the "sugars". Now you know a young boy is looking for cereal that is exciting! colorful! has a cool mascot or character! And then reality hits. Despite reality, James has had a plethora of cereals to choose from. They all haven't been MY favorite but if they have "less than 10 sugars" then its acceptable. Here's a sample of a favorite cereal:



Nowadays, food makers put all the pertinent information on the front of the box so it's easy to see. James now knows where to find that information. It has also lead him to read the other information there. As he sits and eats his cereal, he reads the box. He will make an announcement about how proteins are in it. And he'll tell me about the saturated fats and carbohydrates too. He equates too many sugars with "bad" and proteins with "good". He knows that his yogurt has a lot of protein especially if it's Greek yogurt. That is good.

Today we had a very productive discovery about real sugars and fake sugars. I was picking out the Capri-Sun Super V juice pouches when we both noticed these really cool-looking new bigger juice pouches that are resealable, also made by Capri-Sun. James wanted it. Bad. I picked one up and looked at the ingredients. The second ingredient was high fructose corn syrup (HFCS). I said no. He wanted to know why of course so we did a quick comparison. His Capri-Sun Super V does not contain HFCS. So Super V wins. I told James that HFCS is not real sugar. It's fake. It's made from corn and that is certainly not sugar. Then we moved over to the aisle with all the colorful water flavorings. He wanted the Kool-Aid liquid water enhancers. Sooooo, we looked at the ingredients. There we found sucralose. If we are going to get something with sugar, it has to be the real thing. Most of those water enhancers contain sucralose. We couldn't find one in that store but I know they exist.

Ingredients: Water, Grape, Apple and Sweet

                                                     Potato Juice Concentrates, Soluable corn fiber,

                                   Carrot Juice concentrate, citric acid,

                                                         cherry juice concentrate, ascorbic acid (vitamin c),

                                                                        natural flavor, vitamin e acetate, beta-carotene.

And these little conversations amount to a lot. James now has a clear understanding about how I make decisions about what foods I will and will not buy. I'm not just being a mean Mommy by saying no without a good reason. He also understands that if we ARE going to eat something sugary, we will buy (or make it) with real sugar. And we will eat full-fat foods. No "fat-free" foods in our house. So if I buy salad dressing, for example, I buy the full-fat kind. Because fat-free means "full of chemicals to make it taste good since there's no fat in it anymore". We talked about acceptable sugars like pure sugar, honey and stevia today. And we talked about good fats like olive oil.

We haven't talked much about food dyes much. But lately it keeps coming up in conversations with other moms so I am listening  and paying close attention. We needed good wholesome snack foods so I let James pick out some Goldfish (they are very low in "sugars"). I thought he was going to grab a bag of the Goldfish Colors and told him No before he thought to touch the bag. Then I decided to read the ingredients. Lo and behold,  the colors made with real food like beets and watermelon and turmeric. No Red 30 or whatever. None of that.

We also buy a lot of local food through Carolina Grown. We started doing that when James was about 2. He loved the milk the most. I had to buy milk from the grocery store once because I ran out and when he tasted it he said, "This not good mommy.". Wow. A two-year-old could taste the difference. I get 95% of our meats locally. Grass-fed beef. Free-range chicken. Eggs too. All sorts of vegetables and fruits. Salsa and pickles. Goat cheese. Even soap and dog treats. And goodies like chocolate chip cookies. You better believe it has real butter and real sugar in them. James helps me order online sometimes. He does it to make sure I order the cookies.

One caveat here, I do buy candy for James. But it's not meant to be healthy so I relax my rules. It's called junk food for a reason. But healthy food HAS to be healthy; the food we eat for nutrients has to be good. 

Loosing teeth....Ahhhhh freak out!

Hold on to your seats. I have something to confess. I am not a perfect mom...and I have proof. It's ok. Just breath. Ok. one more thing. Even more devastating, my son is also not perfect. (I can hear your gasps now!) I also have proof of that. Both collide in a most epically  imperfect picture.

Sometimes, not often, a couple of new teeth come in before the old ones are gone, creating two rows of pearly whites. This is a temporary stage, sometimes called shark's teeth.

James has 8 silver teeth. Yep. Eight crowns in his mouth. He has more dental work that most adults I know. He was just two when he got them all. At one time. Under general anesthesia. At two, toddlers only have 20 teeth so at the time, eight crowns covered about one-third of all the teeth in his head. As you can see in the picture, he now has his 6-year molars sitting behind those crowns. And if you look really close, you can see his "shark tooth". I thought it was so exciting! James thought it was horrible. We were sitting at the dinner table when it happened.

James bit into his beloved Subway grilled cheese sandwich and he looked at me, screamed and then bawled!!! He thought his tooth was bleeding. "It hurts! It hurts!", he scream/cried. Like I said, he totally freaked out. It took about 5 minutes for him to settle down enough so I could check him out and that's when I saw it. He let me take a picture so I could show him. He was in awe but he still didn't like. He said he would never eat again. Liar. He did. Somehow, after all the drama, he still manages to eat candy and other girlled cheeses and goldfish.

To make things worse, he has a dental appointment next week. As you can surmise, the dentist is not his favorite place. He does well but he has actually told the dentist, "This is the worst day." I love that about him. I think the dentist handled it well and seemed to even appreciate his blunt honesty. He has gotten used to the idea that loosing baby teeth is going to happen. His fear now is that the dentist is going to try and pull that tooth. The poor kid. I totally understand. I HATED  loosing teeth. Like nails on a chalkboard for me. And my dentist actually had to pull one of my upper front teeth. His office had yellow shag carpet that sounded like a wet sponge when you walked on it. I hated that carpet. Now James is dreading the dentist too. Sigh.

But there is hope! The Tooth Fairy cometh!

I have to give a shout out to Stan and Jan Berenstain. I love them even though I have never met them. Those bears have a book for every situation. The Berenstain Bears Visit the Dentist and The Berenstain Bears and the Tooth Fairy. James is very confident that the Tooth Fairy is going to bring him $1 for his tooth! And he then excitedly told me that sometimes the Tooth Fairy even brings presents. It was in one of the BB (Berenstain Bears) books so it must be true.

These books are so loved that James has already decided that he is going to save them for his children. He told me this just today. He's even going to let me help him name them. All together now: Awwwwwwwww. I was a good mom though. I told him that his WIFE might like to help name a kid or two. Since we were on the subject, I asked him how many children he planned to have. I want to be a Grandmother with a whole mess of grandkids. Seven! He wants 7 kids!!!

Update as of 2/26/2014: James is now willing to wiggle that tooth with his tongue. Progress!

I am the Mom of a toe walker

James took his first steps when he was 13 months old. It was freakin' adorable. He was a chubby little guy and I was so excited about this milestone. And as you can see in the video, he is an eager and wobbly heel-to-toe walker. Super cute I might add.

Here's a video from 2009 right before his 2nd birthday. Still walking, marching, dancing heel-to-toe.

Things changed when he was about 3 years old.

When I took him to the doctor for a well-check, the doctor asked me if I had any concerns and I mentioned the toe walking. Next thing I know, we are in Physical Therapy for a year. And a year later, still toe walking.

I had a friend with a macabre sense of humor who would constantly ask about my "autistic son". She could find the funny in most things like fatal car accidents and kidnappings. I didn't care that my son might be mildly...whatever. I didn't seek out a diagnosis for it though. He was developing fine in all other areas and, frankly, I was tired of thinking about it. He could get from point A to point B. Success! However...

He is 6 1/2 now and still walking on his toes and showing no signs of stopping. He couldn't care less. But I have noticed that he is kind of off-balance when he is on his toes. He gets wobbly just walking around the house. He falls. On level ground. He even walks on his toes in his Crocs or tennis shoes. He doesn't play tennis. I am from the South. We call them tennis shoes. Actually, it's pronounced "tenny" shoes. If you are not from the South, these are known as sneakers or gym shoes or running shoes.

James can stand flat-footed. He can hop on one leg. He did that for an entire week once. Just hopped around the house. Hopped in place. Nutty. He has mastered his Razor scooter which requires him to stand with one flat foot on the scooter and push with the other. He was even confident enough to try it with his "unnatural" side. Woopsie Daisy!! Almost went down! Great recovery though. Now, riding a bike. That's a whole 'nother story. The bike is his enemy. The bike is not fun. The bike is hard. No thanks, he says. Bribes don't work. We thought a little bit of shame might work. "Hey James. You know "J" can ride his bike without training wheels and he's just 5." His response is typical of a spirited (total euphemism for defiant) child, "Well I am bigger than him and he cries to his mama. Whaaaa!!" Ooooo K. I was fresh out of ideas and then I thought I might reason with him. I know, right. Too simple to work.

He came to wake me up this morning. Remember, I work until midnight during the week. I have THE cutest toe walking alarm clock ever. "Mommy, you ready to go downstairs?" As I sat on the floor to put on my wig-wam slippers I started to tell James about searching the internet at work and reading about toe walking. I was met with silence but rapt attention. And good eye contact. That was promising. So I kept talking.

So what I found out is that you are an idiopathic or habitual toe walker. That means that when you started walking you walked heel-to-toe. It wasn't until later that you started walking on your toes. And I think I know why. You figured out that if you stood on your toes, you could SEE things. You could see what was on the kitchen counters. The kitchen table. You could reach into the refrigerator. And you just never stopped. It became a habit. 

At this point I thought he would say something like, "That is so cool Mom. Thanks for enlightening me." But no. He just stared at me. Silently. James is rarely silent. This must be a new method of confusing me. Little did he know that I would take it as encouragement to keep talking!

There's nothing wrong with you. Lots of kids walk on their toes but they usually stop by age 5 or so. The only problem I see with it is that you are off-balance when you are on your toes. Things might be easier for you if you did things flat-footed. I know some stretches we can do to help that. Your calf muscles are probably pretty tight so you need to stretch them out. 

Nothing. Left me hanging. Just, "Let's go downstairs now".

Regardless, I need (and want) to make this a priority. In some of the information I scanned, I came upon kids who are now adults that were or are still toe walking. Some said they wished their parents had been more proactive in helping with it. They were adding these comments in forums where parents were corresponding about what to do. I don't want him to feel that it holds him back for anything he wishes to do. He has always been big for his age (90th percentile since birth!) and that might be part of the problem. Poor guy, when we bought him his first bike, we had to get the 18" size because that is what fit him. But he was 4 and his body just didn't have the physical coordination to manage a bike that size. It was a bummer that we couldn't get him a smaller one. It would have been easier to handle. It was the same way with the tricycle. He outgrew it before he mastered it.

He'll be a late bloomer as far as coordination goes. I keep reminding myself that I am athletic and fairly coordinated and his Dad is/was athletic and probably more coordinated than me. He played goal keeper on semi-professional teams. Run. Jump. Dive. Throw. Kick. Taunt. Me? I ran in circles. Well, it was actually an oval. No hurdles to flail over. No high jump or long jump because this white girl cain't jump. I mean, I leaned forward over the finish line once and ended up flat on my back after a fantastic somersault.

If a child is a habitual toe walker, it's typically not from some underlying neurological reason so the options for treatment are less evasive than what I read about. I'm talking about leg braces to be worn all day and even overnight, surgery to elongate calf muscles, Botox injections to weaken the muscles so they can't stand on their toes. NO surgery. I won't do Botox myself so I wouldn't do that for my son either. Not for this. Most likely not ever.

I found this website which I loved to pieces. Fun stretches to do with kids. See also a blurb about special shoes. Shoes that are rigid that can make it hard to toe walk. Cool skateboarding shoes. Sketchers has some cool-looking ones and Target sells Shaun White skateboard shoes. It's about time for new shoes.

One of my favorite comments on one of the forums was from an engineer  Here's what he had to say:

toe walking is how the human body was designed to move. if you look at it from an engineering perspective, there is no shock absorption from your heel hitting the ground first except for your joints...which were not designed for that. knee, hip, lower back all receive g-shock with each foot step. toe walking allows the shock to be absorbed by the calf muscle, transmitting a negligible amount to the rest of the body. zero compared to heal walking. it requires more energy than heel walking, is difficult or impossible to maintain in most shoe types, and as most organisms prefer to use as little energy as possible, tends to fall by the wayside later in life in preference for heel walking as well as conformity. if you're a toe walker, as the saying goes-yer doin' it right.

I know he is not a doctor but I appreciated his analysis and his "don't believe the hype" encouragement.

I am the Mom of a toe walker. But he is so much more than that. He is a whole person. He is loved and cherished. And, really, when you're playing Minecraft, it just doesn't matter if you walk on your toes or not!

Reducing Speed

Since the start of the new year, I have taken a very deep breath and really looked at my son to truly gauge how we are doing with our schooling. As I thought about how the mornings go, we are in sync. In a routine. That's good. But then I notice that he is not enjoying math. Learning the sounds and spelling of words is mundane. For both of us. And his handwriting doesn't seem to be improving. He's hit a plateau. That is not good. Time for a change. Put on the brakes and build in more fun. After all, the world is our classroom.

I stumbled upon Xtramath by checking a homeschooler email newsletter. That is awesome. It has allowed us to take a break from the worksheets but still work on math skills. And, by the way, it's free and open to anyone. It's not just for homeschoolers. Levels of math start at kindergarten and go to higher levels of math so kids can get extra practice and hone their skills. James loves the computer and he likes that he is doing it on his own. It's also timed. He will do math for about 10 minutes and then he is done for the day. He doesn't get as frustrated and he likes it.

James is reading really well. I am happy with this and he is naturally reading everything and he is now spelling entire sentences outloud. Here's how yesterday sounded:

James: H-I M-O-M-M-Y. I L-O-V-E Y-O-U more than you love me exclamation mark.

Me: H-E-L-L-O J-A-M-E-S. I L-O-V-E Y-O-U T-O-O.

James: C-A-N Y-O-U L-O-G M-E O-N M-I-N-E-C-R-A-F-T P-L-Z?

Me: N-O.

James: W-H-Y M-O-M-M-Y?

And so it goes. So I felt like we needed to change what we had been using. I found Explode the Code Online through the recommendations from other homeschooling moms. Explode the Code is great because, again, it has a computer-based option so James can work on  his own. Also, this program is used in the public schools and not just for homeschoolers so if your child needs some extra fun practice, this is great.

I love our handwriting curriculum but I felt we needed to "back up" a little. I started making handwriting sheets that James can trace. I used them before I ever bought curriculum. I can give him vocabulary words to trace or a bible verse or his name and address. And this is also free and can be used by anyone.

We have been going on almost every field trip that is planned through our homeschool group. If the field trip is geared for his age group, we are there! We have field trips planned as far out as May!

• Bi-weekly park play days
• Videri Chocolate Factory
• Valentine's Day Party
• Charlotte's Web play
• 8-week Legacy Co-op (Fridays)
• Schoolhouse of Wonder
• Museum of Life and Science
• JC Raulston Arboretum
• Animal Farm Days
• Easter Egg Hunt
• Visiting a state park
• Going to the movies
• Road trip or visiting the USS North Carolina

Since we are taking it a little slow on some of the fundamentals, I decided that taking more time to sit and read books together would be a great addition to our daily routine. Bedtime stories happens every night but reading together during the day is better. I ended up buying a history curriculum that has short stories in it as well as small projects to do together. It's available on Amazon too. The first thing James had to do was learn about his OWN history and called some family members to interview them. It will become a book for him to keep complete with pictures and all. His very own family tree.

I have made a conscious decision to take it slow. To let James guide me. I look to him to let me know when we need to speed up and when we need to slow down. And this will vary from subject to subject. We cruise along at reading and vocabulary. We go a little slower for math and handwriting. For him, "school" should be fun and playful. I want him to love learning; to forever be curious and ask questions. 

I leave you with a quote from Heidi St. John. She's a homeschool guru. If you like it, follow her blog.

If you are being held hostage by a burdensome curriculum or a program that promises to get your kid into college—and if you’re wondering if this was really the life that God had designed for you, I challenge you to look at those first homeschool moms. They set the bar—and they did it without expensive “all inclusive” programs. They did it by faith. They did it because they knew God would provide for their every need if they would only trust Him to guide and direct them.

These precious moms found out that God is faithful. He can be trusted. His mercies are new every day.

His yoke is easy. His burden is light.

- Heidi St. John's blog