Dear James,
You are now a child of divorced parents. It makes me want to cry and scream with pain and anger and sadness. It wasn't supposed to be this way. I married your Dad thinking that we would be together forever. That is what I promised on our wedding day. And I lived it up until the end.
Today I went to the local Social Security office and officially changed my last name. I am now, legally, Connie Jo Hutchinson. Just like it was on the day I was born. The name I carried until I married your Dad.
It took 10 minutes to make the change. Simple and easy, yet not really. It was sad, James. It was a reminder of the betrayal. A reminder that I am unloved by the man who promised to love me always and forever. I went out to the car afterwards and just cried. Why did things turn out this way? Why can't people keep their promises? Why can't people just be honest and respectful and say they don't love you anymore instead of cheating? I'll tell you why. It's because the right thing is not always the easy thing. In fact, it's usually a hard thing. But it's worth it. Every single time.
During this long year of separation, I had debated in my mind about changing my name. I figured I had time to decide and surely something would happen that would be a defining moment. It came right after the 4th of July weekend. Your Dad emailed me to inform me that he had moved in with his Cheating Partner and her son and gave me their address. I was disgusted. And in that moment, I knew that I could no longer be a Lewis. I got that name from him the day we married. And now he is a full-fledged cheater and a man who abandoned his family for all the world to see.
During that same exact weekend, I was moving out of our home. The life we had as a family was over. Had been over. Our home was no longer ours. I had to sell it because I could no longer afford it alone. I was relieved to be rid of the financial burden but I was also saddened by all that you and I lost.
So now I am taking back my freedom. I am now free from being associated with a cheater and carrying the name of a person who no longer loves me.
It amazes me how an event can be so heartbreaking and yet be a blessing at the same time. I don't think it is always known that a thing is a blessing at that moment but over time, it becomes clear. These are times I embrace God's perfect timing and purpose for my life, James. I trust that God knows what He is doing.
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans give you hope and a future. -Jeremiah 29:11
One last thing, James. I love you. I love that YOU are a Lewis.You have grandparents that love you. An aunt and uncle too. And a very special Aunt that you got because your Dad comes from a wonderful family. They love us both very much. Remember that and be proud.
