Mothering our sons

25 Rules of Mothers of Sons

My mother-in-law shared this with me via Facebook and I just loved it. I decided to share it here on my own blog because it's worthy of posting any and everywhere. And it's a good reminder about how ever vigilant I have to be as a mother, as a woman as I raise James. He will take with him the lessons I have taught him to ALL his relationships with other women in his life. And by "lessons" I mean any and everything that I do and say...whether intentional or not; whether loving...or not. I lost my cool this morning and I am now carrying around anger and guilt at myself at the moment. We had done our "taste testing" lesson last week and today I planned for us to do the "smell testing". I was in the kitchen finding fun things to smell like coffee, vinegar, cinnamon, toothpaste, mint  hot chocolate, maple syrup, bleach, and a fir tree candle. I went upstairs and found a "blindfold" from one of James' pirate costumes. I called him to come with me and he was very excited to do the smelling test. But, as soon as we got to the kitchen and I had the blindfold on him, he started to get upset and wanted to see all the things he was supposed to smell. I wouldn't let him take a peek and when he refused to even trust me and try, I got angry. I sent him to his room and started to put everything away and then I changed my mind. I told him he was being a baby. Name-calling. Great. So nurturing and patient of me (read that with dripping sarcasm) No, I thought. He is going to try this. I pulled all the stuff back out, marched upstairs, told him to come down to the kitchen because he was going to try it. I let him take a 5 second peek at the items on the stove and put the blindfold back on him. He whined and screamed, I held his hands together so he couldn't pull the blindfold off and grabbed the coffee and stuck it under his nose. Silence. Then he said, "coffee". Yes. Then I grabbed the cinnamon. "Sugar?", he asked? No. "Salt?" No, Cinnamon. Then he cheated. He could see under the blindfold and told me what he "smelled". I told him I knew he could see and that he didn't play the game. It could have been a lot more fun had he done what he was supposed to do. He said, "That was fun Mommy! Are you proud of me?" And despite the anger still welling inside me for the lack of trust of the game (and me perhaps), I said, "Yes James, I am proud of you". He wanted to hug me tight and tell me that he loved me. He needed to know I still loved him. And that made me even MORE angry at myself. I scared him so bad or he saw how angry I was and needed reassurance that I still loved him? That feels like total crap. I have told him before that I love him so much even when I am angry. "I still love you. Always. No matter what." That's what I tell him. I find that I get frustrated the most because he won't take a risk. Does that sound crazy? Most moms are THRILLED that their kids won't "fly" down the stairs or eat anything they see like the yucky whatever they found on the ground. But James is so cautious. Always has been. It drives me nuts. "Scared" of food and swimming but he needs to eat and he loves playing in the water. And then I remembered the other day. I wasn't ever a thrill-seeker. I rode my dang big wheel long after everyone else was riding their 2-wheel bikes. I liked my big wheel. Period. So what to do? Well, I will pray. I will pray for my own patience and wisdom. I will pray for James to find the thrill in trying the unknown. I will pray for forgiveness. I will make today better than that last moment in the kitchen.